Crowning the queen of participation-trophy world

Can you imagine what a gooey gushfest this event is going to be?

Chelsea Clinton is set to receive a lifetime achievement award from Variety magazine next month, though it is unclear why.

The former first daughter will be honored at a “Power of Women” luncheon on April 21, Variety announced. Jessica Chastain, Gayle King, Blake Lively, Audra McDonald and Shari Redstone will also receive achievement awards.

Clinton, a 37-year-old mother of two, is receiving the award “for her work with Alliance for a Healthier Generation, which empowers kids to develop lifelong healthy habits,” Variety says in a statement.

The Alliance for a Healthier Generation, which helps fight childhood obesity, is affiliated with the Clinton Foundation, where Clinton serves as vice chair.

She caaaares about keeping kids from getting fat.

Well, let's see, she also had a television journalism career that lasted less than a year, and was a hedge fund "consultant" for a while until she realized that she did not care about money "on a fundamental level." And there was the, ahem, Foundation.

Can you imagine what they're going to have to eat at this award pow-wow?